“Good Luck Chuck”, As Told By Commercials
Good Luck Chuck is the new movie staring everyone’s favorite guy-who-says-things-that-are-funnier-when-said-by-other-people, Dane Cook and resident pretty girl, Jessica Alba. I have no real interest in this movie, or anything involving it. So instead of actually wasting my time (and yours) by telling you a review of the movie, I’m going to tell you how I figure the movie will go, based on what the commercials I’ve seen tell me.
Dane Cook continues playing a “funny man” in this movie, taking the roll of “Chuck”, a man who has the ability to have any woman find her true love after she decides to make with the fornication all over this man1. This goes on for the majority of the movie, while “Chuck” sits in denial, all the while being pseudo-raped by women of every shape, size, and color so they can find their “true love”, get hitched, and live happily ever after.
All of them, except of course, for “Chuck”. Who simply basks in all the sex he is getting, while occasionally getting pines for love and commitment and all that stuff that is part of a movie like this.
Along the way, we’re introduced to Jessica Alba‘s character: “Generic Pretty Girl”. “Generic Pretty Girl” is the anti-thesis of “Chuck”, a walking collection of klutziness and “bad” luck who works at an aquatic life attraction where she feeds fish to sea-mammals. She’s dingy, ditzy, and all of that. But she meets Chuck, and Chuck tells her about his silly little “curse” with the ladies. She doesn’t buy it, says it’s just some kind of lie and he’s all “Nooo” and uses that to explain why it is he won’t have sex with her. But along the way, her bad luck starts of rub off on him. He gets involved in a bunch of wacky highjinks around her, all the while falling in love with her and her beautiful…whatever it is.
Despite the best wishes of his good friends, and other people, Chuck and the girl end up fornicating all over the place. And Chuck worries–did he fuck it all up? Will she go and find her true love now that they’ve had sex? He leaves, in his worry, hoping, deep down, that she doesn’t.
But she does.
And it’s Chuck.
Turns out that, somehow, her being bad luck managed to counteract his “luck with the ladies” and the two of them live happily ever after.
There. Hollywood at its finest.
- I promise never to type that phrase again. [↩]
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